Urban Savagery: Lesson 3-The Three-Man Slingshot

The 3-man slingshot is by far the most powerful homemade weapon you will ever make. The main part of it consists of a single piece of bungee rope about 12-14 feet long, with the ends tied together to make a giant rubber band. Before you tie the ends, put two foot long tubes on for handles. Then sew on a pouch for holding the "ordinance." After this, you're pretty much ready to go. You seriously need to be careful with these because I shot a water balloon through my neighbor's window with one. Two panes too. These things can shoot anything you can think of that's about the size of a baseball.

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-Any and all injuries or fatalities that may occur as a result of the careless use of these objects are not to be compensated by the blogger or any of his affiliates. The safety of those around the user (and the user himself) is solely their responsibility, and any damage that ensues as a result of personal stupidity is no fault of the blogger or his affiliates-

Urban Savagery: Lesson 2-The Slingshot

You can make a simple, reasonably powerful slingshot quite easily out of a few simple objects. You will need four size 117 rubber bands from OfficeMax (get the thicker ones), one crotch from a stick at least an inch in diameter, and with the crotch angle at least 65 degrees. Also needed is a sturdy strip of cloth at least 3" by 1.5" with a hole punched about 0.5" inchs from either end. Cut each rubber band so that you have four strips of rubber. Tie two to each arm of the crotch, then tie two each to the strip of cloth using the punched holes. You now have a completed slingshot that fires marbles and small pebbles at serious speed.

Urban Savagery: Lesson 1-The Blowgun

The blowgun is probably the most deadly of all homemade weapons, and it is fiendishly easy to make. All one needs to make a basic blowgun and darts are: 1 3-4 foot PVC tube (The diameter can be between 7/16" and 3/16"), a straight connecter that matches the diameter of your tube, a sheet of paper, scissors, a wire clipper and a wire coat hanger.
Cut a half dozen 2" pieces off the straight part of the coat hanger, and use a file or a grinder to sharpen one end to a brutal point. This accomplished, cut as many 3" by 3" squares of paper, and roll them into a tight cone, the diameter of which fits the inside of your tube snugly. Take a cone, and stick one of the needles you made into it, point first, from back to front so the point extends about 1.5" out the point of the cone. Use a hot glue gun or other strong glue to fill the very tip of the cone, holding the point straight out the front. Having made a dart, stick the connecter on one end of the tube (this will be your mouthpiece), and insert the dart point first in there. Put the thing to your mouth and insert your toungue right behind the dart, then blow like you are spitting sunflower shells. This thing has awesome power if you do it right.

How, er, Ironic

Here it is. The loudest holiday of the year. I love making bombs and fireworks, so here's my chance to splurge. Then, like a dud firecracker, it fizzles and goes out. Let me explain. Given circumstances out of control, we are not able to make it to the cabin. Hence, we are unable to buy lots of cheap fireworks, or get any big or illegal buggers. Beyond that, I'm a little low on pyrotechnic supplies. Unfortunately, I am unable to make rockets, fountains or even The Works bombs in any useful quantities. The aforesaid circumstances out of control are things like family being in town, grandpa dying and an invitation to a friend-of-my-parents-and-my-brother's for some lame "party." I gotta wait a whole @#$%*! year for this again. Hmmm. Maybe Labor Day...

I Love Videos

No. I hate video. Especially the homemade stuff that no matter how careful you are with it, you still do irreparable damage to it. No matter how meticulous you are, you'll still tape over the most important parts. No matter how carefully you time your imported clips, they'll still be just nanoseconds off, and it'll ruin the whole @#%$&*! thing. So it is with trying to create an anthology of all of ones exploits. You've no idea of how many really nice clips I've accidentally ERASED! I'm so mad I might have to go blow something up or break something, or maybe hug my teddy bear.

CHEMISTRY?

Aha. A more sophisticated bomb. A 20 oz. pop bottle. Fill the bottom with pieces of rolled up aluminum foil. Pour The Works toilet bowl cleaner into the bottle until the level of cleaner is slightly above the level of aluminum foil. Screw the cap on tight. Shake. Shake hard. When the botle starts to get taught, set it down and run. Be warned, when the bottle explodes, it sprays hydrochloric acid all over. It even creates fumes (sometimes) that are so powerful it made me cough hard. The gas created by the reaction is hydrgen. Obviously, this creates some startling opportunities, given that hydrogen is EXTREMELY flammable.

Dry Ice Bombs

Yesterday, I tried putting some crushed dry ice into a 20oz coke bottle. I added hot water, then screwed the cap on. After tossing it into my neighbor's back yard, I took off inside. (would you want to be on hand when the "authorities" discover a smoking crater in your neighbor's yard? I thought not.) After a blast that probably sent Russian soldiers diving for their foxholes, I went to investigate ground zero. It wasn't too bad: a small divot, little pieces of frost and dry ice lying around. When I finally found the bottle, I was impressed. It looked like someone had tossed it into a blender for a few hours on "liquidize." I must admit that I was rather disappointed when the cops didn't show up. After all it was loud enough.
After several more experiments, I fully realized the power of those things. Perhaps it would be fun to go "depth charge fishing." Perhaps it would be fun to blow out my NEW neighbor"s mailbox. By the way, the old ones left about a week ago. Anyhooze, there're plenty of fun things to do with dry ice bombs.

Equipment Woes

I have an everlasting grudge against the Bic Corporation, maker of the most unreliable butane lighters I have ever encountered. They sometimes work, but rarely when I'm trying to light fireworks. They sometimes just quit working for no aparent reason, or the flintwheel jams. How am I supposed to perform devious acts with a broken lighter?! Either that or the fuse on the firework malfunctions for some reason and, 1) gives me exactly 0.05 seconds to get away, or, 2) sputters and goes out. And then the head on my hatchet almost falls off every time I hit something with it. But of course when I try to get the head off the handle so I can get a new handle, it takes me roughly about an hour. #*@$. On top of all this, the manufacturer of one of my favorite "domestic" fireworks halved the amount of explosive in their fireworks. Not under any new federal or state law, but just to spite me, I suppose. Really, can't someone make a foolproof device? If there's one on the market right now, I'd very much like to have it.

Fun Things to Do With Fireworks

I was bored when it happened, I admit it. But it's still pretty cool.

-Take a jumping jack and wrap electrical tape around it, covering both output holes. Get a small diameter tube, about 3 feet in length, and prop it at about a seventy degree angle. Next, grab your modified firework, hold it fuse side down over the end of the tube, light it an drop it down the tube like a mortar. Watch out: sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Other times it blows up.

-Find an airtight container with a screw-on lid, made of flimsy plastic. Go buy some "crackling ball" fireworks. Be sure to get this on tape. Light one of the balls, drop it in the container, screw the lid on and RUN! The thing blows up if you do it right. Careful who is around when you do this. Some people don't have the stomach for large-scale domestic explosions, and others might get mad at you for spewing pieces of plastic all over their yard.

Methods of (heh heh heh) "Retribution."

(disclaimer) any and all comments in following "blog" are not to be taken seriously or tried. For gosh sakes, why do I feel the need to put that down?

The following are methods of bothering your neighbors, possibly driving them to the brink of insanity. It's a good idea to have a video camera on hand, because things WILL get interesting.

-Smoke his mailbox, using heavy duty smoke devices.
-Make as much noise as possible (outside, of course).
-Cars make good targets;soap them.
-If he's got big trees, TP 'em.
-Silly string! (I think this statement speaks for itself)
-Make fiendish devices in plain sight. (if he sees you test-firing eggs out of a three-man slingshot, he might change his tune.
-Use sidewalk chalk to convey messages.
-Leave a blowgun dart stuck in one of his trees. Try to be on hand when he finds it.
-PLEASE don't try any of this, or if you do, don't blame me for the, ah, "problems" you may encounter.

My Annoying Neighbors and How to Deal With Them

Man my neighbors are cranky. I admit that I probably set them off with so many fireworks and annoying experiments, but
they are still cranky. They called the cops on me the other day for playing airsoft in my yard (might I add that I have a clear
pistol WITH an orange tip on it, as did my friends). I didn't get in trouble; airsoft is legal on private property, but it was
annoying to know that they're so interested in my doings. I must think of a method of retribution (legal, of course).