Equipment Woes

I have an everlasting grudge against the Bic Corporation, maker of the most unreliable butane lighters I have ever encountered. They sometimes work, but rarely when I'm trying to light fireworks. They sometimes just quit working for no aparent reason, or the flintwheel jams. How am I supposed to perform devious acts with a broken lighter?! Either that or the fuse on the firework malfunctions for some reason and, 1) gives me exactly 0.05 seconds to get away, or, 2) sputters and goes out. And then the head on my hatchet almost falls off every time I hit something with it. But of course when I try to get the head off the handle so I can get a new handle, it takes me roughly about an hour. #*@$. On top of all this, the manufacturer of one of my favorite "domestic" fireworks halved the amount of explosive in their fireworks. Not under any new federal or state law, but just to spite me, I suppose. Really, can't someone make a foolproof device? If there's one on the market right now, I'd very much like to have it.